Finding your way through a breakup or divorce

Allow feelings without a deadline

You can cry, be quiet, talk to someone close or keep a journal. You do not have to act as if nothing happened or finish grieving in a week or two. Returning to daily activities can happen alongside sadness, through small manageable steps.

Choose ways to express feelings without hurting yourself or others: an unsent letter, a walk, a conversation or music. Breaking things, threatening a former partner or drinking to switch off thoughts can add difficulties. If an exercise intensifies distress, stop and seek support.

Separate immediate practical needs from feelings

Write down immediate questions about housing, expenses, work and practical help. You do not have to solve everything in one day. Identify what is truly urgent, who could help and where a qualified financial or legal professional is needed.

If there is stalking, threats or control, safety matters more than reaching an agreement at any cost. Do not face a threat alone: involve someone trustworthy and appropriate specialist support. Call 112 in Russia if there is immediate danger.

Choose how to handle reminders

Photos, gifts and familiar rooms can bring up different feelings. You might put some belongings in a box, keep what matters or rearrange a small part of your space. You do not have to review every photograph or immediately dispose of everything you shared.

Start with a reversible change: clear a desk, move a chair or take a different walking route. Consider major purchases, selling belongings or changing jobs separately, when you have the capacity to weigh the consequences.

Make room for care and your own interests

Check basic needs: food, sleep, rest and manageable movement. Recall an interest you had before the relationship or something you have wanted to try. A short class, drawing at home, a walk or a meeting can be a start; you do not have to become a different person immediately.

If your old routine feels painful, try a small change while preserving enough rest. A list of wishes can help you imagine a future; choose one available step rather than a complete life overhaul.

Keep connections at a pace that suits you

Ask someone close for specific support: dinner together, help with a task or simply company. You can say beforehand that you do not want to discuss the breakup today. If one person cannot offer useful support, it does not mean none is available.

New connections can develop gradually. You do not need to find a partner immediately to escape pain, and there is no mandatory period of being single. Pay attention to readiness, boundaries and honesty with the other person.

If you are a parent: explain changes calmly

Once a decision has been made, explain in age-appropriate words what will change and what is already known. If a joint conversation is safe and possible, both parents can take part; otherwise, a trusted adult can speak with the child. There is no need to expose arguments to make the explanation seem credible.

Make clear that the child is not to blame and does not have to repair the adults’ relationship. Answer questions and make room for tears and other feelings. Promise only what you can deliver; instead of guaranteeing everything will be fine, explain that adults will handle adult matters and continue caring for the child.

• Do not ask the child to take sides, carry messages, replace adult emotional support or take responsibility for financial problems.
• Avoid insulting the other parent, generalising about all men or women, or suggesting the child caused the breakup.
• Keep everyday routines predictable and explain arrangements for contact. When there is violence or threats, contact arrangements need a separate professional safety assessment.
• If concerns about the child persist, consult a paediatrician or a professional who works with children. This guide is addressed to adult parents.

Practice and notes