Living with grief
Care for yourself after losing someone close and find your way back to everyday life at your own pace.
Loss can bring sadness, anger, guilt, confusion or numbness. Eating, sleeping and everyday tasks may feel difficult. Your reaction does not have to look like anyone else’s.
There is no timetable for getting through grief. Read a little at a time, skip suggestions that do not fit and return when you have the energy.
Make room for your feelings
Crying, silence and conversation are different ways of living through loss. You do not need to force tears or hold them back to meet someone else’s expectations. Express feelings without hurting yourself or others.
Disbelief, anger, ‘if only’ thoughts, deep sadness and acceptance are sometimes called stages of grief. They may overlap, return or happen in a different order; you may not experience them all. Feeling joy again does not betray the person you lost.
Choose what to do with reminders
Some people find comfort in belongings; others find them painful to see for now. You can put some things away, keep one treasured object nearby or leave everything as it is. You do not have to decide about everything at once.
The same applies to shared activities: take a break, try a familiar activity with a friend or change your walking route. You can return to old routines later.
Start with everyday care
- Regular meals and help with shopping or cooking are useful support. You do not need a perfect routine.
- For rest, try a familiar bedtime, a cool dark room and a quiet evening routine. Seek medical advice if sleep problems persist.
- Choose manageable movement or an activity that offers some comfort: a walk, preparing food or listening to music. A few minutes can be a starting point.
- Alcohol, drugs and working without rest do not replace support. If they have become your way of getting through each day, tell a professional.
Ask for specific help
You do not have to manage alone. Ask one person to walk with you and another to help with paperwork or meals. It is also okay to ask someone simply to stay with you without giving advice.
If a decision about moving, selling your home or changing jobs can wait, give yourself time. When it cannot wait, ask someone you trust to help you consider the consequences.
Return to activities at your own pace
A favourite activity, new experiences or work may gradually find a place alongside grief. Where possible, discuss a lighter schedule and tell colleagues whether you want to talk about your loss.
Forgetfulness, tiredness and mistakes during a difficult time do not make you weak. Grief may return in waves. On those days, you can reduce demands again and ask for support.
Practice and notes
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A letter for what was left unsaid
If you wish, write what you did not get to say: gratitude, hurt, regret or a memory. You do not have to show the letter to anyone. Keep it, put it aside or delete it; stop if it feels too much right now.
Three small supports for today
- Choose one manageable action for your body: eat, rest or take a short walk.
- Name a person you could turn to and one specific request.
- Consider which reminder you want nearby and which you would rather put aside for now.
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When to seek support
You can seek support at any point, without waiting until ‘enough time’ has passed. If caring for yourself, working or staying connected is becoming harder, speak to a psychologist or doctor. If your life is in immediate danger or you may harm yourself, call 112 in Russia and contact someone who can stay with you.
Discuss a consultation